I’ve been trying to live in the present moment and focusing on exercise and healthy habits. Yet, I am still very fatigued because I cannot fall asleep and get a proper night rest. My friend, Tinola, managed to get me to talk to her today about this blog and here is my explanation in a nutshell based on our text messages below.
When I met Dumpling (The Taiwanese Jerk from Tinder) I was on the verge of jumping out the window bc of my bro. So I wanted to find an escape and Dumpling allowed me to escape into his world. I felt at home with him. I couldn’t date anyone else bc he was the only one I could think of and he helped me move on from Sushi (My luv from 3 years ago). And he gave me time to heal, he made me accept my new body that I felt was so broken and useless. And then he broke my heart a million times. I kept allowing him to break it bc he was the one who mended it in the first place. But I saw his pain too, I didn’t want him to live that way as in giving in to his addictions to drugs, money, and sex. So I wished for him to see life through my eyes. To see life with in a way that if ur health is gone, ur wealth doesn’t matter to u, and to live in the moment and enjoy it for what it is. The pandemic caused him to lose his money and could give him ill health
Tinola: Is he sick and out of money
And he has to practice social distancing and quarantine and not have sex. If u really think about it, everyone is sick and out of money.
So that’s why I wanted to sacrifice myself
Tinola: What do u mean sacrifice
It’s a little hard to describe but it would be through same way I make these wishes or accidental curses … simply by thinking about it and asking for it … it will happen. Ur wondering y I waste it on these guys. Lol it’s not just them, I have other strange wishes that come true too
Tinola: Like on friends and fam1
So currently my wish is how to end the pandemic
But the problem is… why did I ‘wish’ for it? I was very angry with doctors-To a point where i could probably say I hate them. So now they are the victims. Like I was so angry with the entire system. The last doc I had was a young Korean jerk who violated me. I don’t want to go into detail right now, But yea… that explains why I wished for ppl in the world to see what it is like to live in quarantine, By an “unknown” thing eating their body
You must be so confused by the conversation above, but I will go into more detail as I continue to write out the story since I am trapped in doors due to the current rain storm and chilly whether.
But at the moment I am very tired and I am listening to Daniel Kahneman’s audiobook Thinking Fast and Slow.