Happy Father’s Day to all! I cannot sleep at all. I took 5mg of gummy melatonin and it did not do anything tonight. It worked yesterday, but I also took some antibiotics right before I ate the gummies. Stores are reopening this weekend, so I took my chances and loaded up with some moisturizers and soaps. The lines are ridiculously long it makes me not want to go anywhere at all. When I was at Target, the cashier was coming down with a fever and her hands were shaking. I felt so bad for her, I wanted to send her home. If she has the virus, she could infect all of the customers and staff. As I walked around I started to get a cough and felt like sneezing. I had to hold it in because I did not want to sneeze in my mask because that’s just gross. And I also couldn’t take off my mask to sneeze because that defeats the purpose.
I’ve hit a snag with creating the manga and the new beats since I lost access to certain devices. I’ll be experimenting with different platforms and see what works best. My colorist gave up before she started, so the manga will probably be black and white. I’m not doing this for the need to feel remembered or to leave some sort of legacy. I am creating these projects for entertainment and to have something to do while we wait for updates on how to proceed with the new lifestyle changes. Also, this is for the ones in the future who are curious about life before and during the pandemic.
I’m going to take a moment to reflect on my meal yesterday. I had no appetite at all until I took my first bite of a green apple. It was so delicious and tangy. I haven’t had fruit for so long, it was such a treat. Then it started my urge for sashimi. I experienced the best poke bowl at Mitsuwa. They added shiso leaves and it made me feel so happy. I haven’t experienced such joy in so long. I only took this risk of getting off my cleanse because I was on my way to pick up the antibiotics. I’ve been on different herbs for the past couple months and it seems to no longer be effective because I keep messing up and cheating on the cleanse whenever I feel slightly better. Hopefully the antibiotics will work this time. It’s very hard not to seek comfort in food these days.
As for my dreams, it’s been getting better. I remember I was trying to enter a concert. I was with Heather, the singer from PaleWaves and she got us in the venue easily and we got to see Matty Healy from the 1975. After his set, he was on the balcony with a girl and stuck his finger up her nose to pull something out for her. I told him that was strange! I was grossed out as I watched him play with his fingers and woke up. It was a weird dream, but I was happy because I got to meet Matty and Heather.
Another dream I remember is hanging out on a ship at a park with my nieces. I was also in a kitchen preparing some salad and BanhBao was there with his girlfriend who I have not met in real life or anything. It felt like he was comparing us in his mind, because I was somehow reading his mind a little bit. I can’t explain it since I could not hear him talking. It was just a feeling.
During my waking hours, I find myself missing Sushi often. I still don’t understand why, but every time I see him, my mind goes blank and I forget what I am supposed to tell him. This pandemic is making it really difficult for me to communicate with him sincerely. How do people even have relationships nowadays? He told me people have been racist towards him. I notice that people are acting so crazy towards me in the stores. A couple of old ladies yelled at me for standing too close to them, it’s ridiculous, because the lady behind me was even closer to me than I was to the old ladies! I’m not going to mention their race because I think that in scary times, people just fend for themselves. Race would not matter, they will prefer that you get eaten by the lion while they escape on their own. (I got this from a scene in the Walking Dead, where the guy shoots his partner so that he can escape while the zombies ate his partner.)
I’ve been staying up watching the news. The fish in China has been jumping like crazy. Supposedly it’s warning us about earthquakes. Others say the waters are toxic. What if the fish have their own type of virus and they can’t breathe?! Anyway, the weather is not looking so good this week –June GLOOM!