My mood today is like a roller coaster. I felt a burst of happiness watching BTS sing for the 2020 graduates. As I watched for an hour, I found myself feeling so sad for them and wondering why would anyone want to dance in front of the whole world for the rest of their young lives? I did not know I needed a 10 hour video of Kookie singing this, but it sure hits the spot after watching LaLisa over and over again in the new MV– How You Like That. I can’t take my eyes off of her, but after seeing the actual lyrics, the song got scarier and scarier. I love the ending. But still I circle back to Kookie, who can hopefully sing me to sleep.
The BIG question is, who is this song for? As I read the lyrics, I was thinking of the time I would yearn for Sushi’s forgiveness for DAYS. Today, I’ll admit to myself that he really got me to repent and to reflect on my obnoxious behaviors. I wanted to tell him everything, but he did not give me the chance to. It’s been so long that it seems irrelevant at this point.
BUT…if Dumpling wants to apologize, I wouldn’t mind. I don’t know if it would make either of us feel any better because it’s been a long time too! Even if he didn’t, I don’t think I would care. So I completely understand if Sushi wants some sort of justice now that I’ve been in his shoes. I just don’t want any of us to be in this torturous cycle anymore.
I’ve been taking extra gummy melatonin this week and end up falling asleep at 8AM! The strange thing is I’ve had 3 dreams of Banhbao in a row! Since it’s Friday, I will not take any and see where my mind will wander tonight.
Dream 4: Sometime between 8-8:20:00
I was in the living room. Baby Moon kissed me 3 times on the lips. (He was born yesterday and already had a dream about him!!) I felt a tingle on the upper corner of my lip and thought I got him sick or infected with something. I looked up at the sky and saw thousands of majestic dragons flying over us. It was an amazing feeling and I was awestruck yet a bit fearful. I told Banhbao to look up. He was standing at a distance, so that was my way to distract him as I made my escape on my magic carpet.
Dream 3:
I was in a restaurant with Banhbao sitting adjacent was his brother and sister in law. His brother said he would rather sit in the other room where the entire family could fit. Then his half sister sat between Banhbao and I and we got into an argument. I said to Banhbao that our business is between the two of us and we are not ready to have this dinner with the family if we have not talked anything out yet. I stormed outside and observed the arcade, but ignored all the people around me who stared because I was wearing something outlandish. I waited for a ride by a picket fence. It was a beautiful sunny day and I was angry and alone.
Dream 2: It’s a bit naughty o_O”
I was in a bedroom with Banhbao getting ready to start something but he already finished before I even got near. So we went to the kitchen which also had a bathroom section and we were going to …
…
I forgot…But I woke up happy and confused. It must be the side effects of the gummies! Why is Banhbao haunting my dreams!? What did I do now?!!
Let’s take a moment to reflect on work. Is it so hard for people to get along? I’ve learned so much from observing people in one week. It really feels like we’re all losing it and losing sight of what’s really important. Watching a snippet of news always grounds me and brings me back to reality. I was never the type to ever watch the news until this pandemic. Lately I find myself doing my best to comfort whoever that crosses my path even though underneath my mask is indifference.
Quarantine 2019 