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08142020 20:00:00

Finally, proof about masks being useless…

I just got cloth masks this week and definitely feel the difference. Sure, it covers the bottom half of my face completely but I can still smell everything—even the stinky spores of mushroom. Yes, the plants in the office are now infected with these bright yellow-green mushrooms. It was so big, it grossed me out all morning. I couldn’t stop gagging. If mushroom spores can reach the second floor, then I’m pretty sure Coronavirus is everywhere in the building by now and rapidly growing faster than the mushrooms. I have a confession, I sneezed so hard, it left a mark on the bathroom stall. The stain is still there for a whole week. If the janitor cannot clean my snot off the door, I wonder what else is on there…

I went to Mitsuwa again and found some delicious chocopie filled with matcha creme. I haven’t felt so much joy since the Sakura Chip Star I discovered about a month ago. These treats are the reason why I still enjoy life lately. Even though I said I would eat air, the thought of starting another water fast made me panic and want to eat something special first. I did start to feel sick and nauseous after tasting it, but it was worth the five minutes of heaven in my mouth. I thought about it all afternoon and tried so hard not to have another, but I did treat myself again during dinner time. I’ll try to stop thinking about it over the weekend. I wonder if it would be even better if the inside was chocolate bread and the outside was dark chocolate with matcha drizzle sprinkled with almond slivers…I’m drooling…

OK, I’m going to take a moment to reflect on my temptations with Dumpling. Similar to dark chocolate, it’s so difficult to resist. I know it’s bad for me and will hurt me mentally and physically but it’s a huge struggle to stay away. So many signs keep telling me no. I think I need to get my car repaired and I keep feeling sick from the thought of reconciliation. I can foresee a difficult future but it means we need to take things one step at a time. Am I being too harsh, how do I know if I really let go and forgave someone?
Times like these really tests my friendships. It’s hard for me to trust people and humanity now a days especially with all these hate crimes in the news. I notice a lot of strange behaviors in the markets. People would cut me in line thinking that I wouldn’t notice or they would just give me dirty looks and scold me for being too close, but they don’t say anything to the people behind me who are even closer. It makes me not want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. Rules make people crazy these days—Especially work rules! So much drama is stressing me out, that’s why I keep craving chocolate. I’m in a position where I have to pretend to be “a machine” and do as I’m told. I feel like I’m a guard at a palace watching beggars to let them in for shelter but I have to turn them away. It’s a really strange feeling to have to choose sides or pretend to be neutral. This is why I like the mask sometimes because it blocks my expression. But I really can’t breathe with it on and it gives me a headache because I don’t get enough oxygen. It’s funny because I used to want to wear masks before and my sister would scold me for it. Now it’s mandatory but I lost my BTS mask and it’s sold out. It was also made of cloth and useless, but at least it was comfortable and fit perfectly. I’ve been looking for it for a year. That’s all for now. I will post another manga episode this weekend…stay tuned…


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