I found pureed soup with cheese! Now I want it all the time, but at the same time, I am not hungry. It’s a strange feeling. I think I’m just sleepy. I had another vivid dream last night. If it weren’t for the shock it left at the end after seeing these people, I would not have posted this blog.
At first I was in a huge mansion with some babies. I guess I was babysitting because all the adults were upstairs. The house was decorated in nice shades of blue and white. It had beautiful comfy couches. I gathered the boys and I showed them how to play card games and then I started running out of ideas. We all felt sleepy so we played with the soft pillows on the velvety couch. Then I told them I had to go out and get some food. It felt like I was in an episode of Rugrats where I can understand what they are saying, but they really can’t speak. It was all a bunch of gibberish and giggles.
I was riding a tiny bicycle near a busy street in the hot sun with a long black dress on. It was difficult and I felt super exhausted. Store owners saw me struggling and let me pass through their buildings as a shortcut. I went through and one path led to a scary looking parking lot so I turned around and went toward another path which led me around a huge temple. People were getting married outdoors and they stared at me passing by interrupting. So I went indoors down a hallway and there was another wedding that I crashed. The family monk saw me through the cracks in the wall and said to my mom, “Did you recognize your daughter zooming by?” My mom showed up in the hall and stopped me in my tracks. I don’t know where I was headed. They were both almost nude at first and I gave her a suspicious look. I was in shock. They pretended like it was normal and put on some robes. She guided me to a table full of delicious looking food that was out of this world. I watched the monk eat a crab cake and I wanted it so badly. It looked similar to spam slices LOL but it was crab. I ate it and told her how it tastes delicious just as I had imagined. The monk was telling a story, but I cannot recall because I was so fixated on the food.
I cannot remember what happens next, but I really want some clam chowder. I regret not buying any last night because I figured I cannot chew the clams. I have a bunch of soup hidden away right now so that I don’t binge eat. This is one of those cases where I don’t know what I had until it is taken away. I miss my teeth and being able to eat solid foods. I do like bananas, but it’s not satisfying. I feel like drinking cheese, but I cannot leave my spot. I’m afraid if I walk into a supermarket, I’d end up buying a bunch of cream cheese and then get sick off of that. Ultimately, I just want to go back to sleep. Life gets strange when staying awake is torturous. …
Wow, I just mindlessly and uncontrollably made milk tea -_-…I’m not supposed to have caffeine, but how else will I stay awake for the drive home…Random people that I run into keep telling me that I’m lucky to be working and that my job is super easy, but these days feel like torture. I just noticed that I have a tendency to make things difficult for myself out of boredom. I should be making a lofi song for Dumpling, but I keep procrastinating because I cannot concentrate. How do I stop thinking about food?
I think it’s time for another milkshake because I’m starting to have cravings for this cute baby snake. I’ve never eaten a snake, but I kind of wonder what they taste like. To me, it looks a lot like noodles right now.
Quarantine 2019 