Long story short, the rest of my January turned into cheat day. One ice cream turned to another until the entire box is gone. I over stuffed with grass jelly and now my body feels like jello. I lost control of my mind and drove to several places just to eat all forms of squid in one evening. It was a terrible start for 2021 causing a lot of GI issues and headaches. So February will be the month I begin to fast again. I should have started weeks ago when I couldn’t chew at all, but I just had to taste that vanilla matcha soft serve. I will no longer eat for pleasure…I will not eat at all… I keep making excuses trying not to waste food in a pandemic but I have a basket full of fruits! Well, I’m constipated so I have to flush out all that squid—oh and the karaage chicken rice bowl, chicken legs and pork bones 😖!
…I made the nastiest kale juice the other day, that reminds me, I have to finish the kale…ok, if I write this down, it will most likely be done: I will start with fruits and veggies this week. Next week will be a water fast. End of February will be my dry fast if I make it that far.
I thought I was gonna die again a few days ago. I will not get too detailed, but I leaned on my left arm and there is a sharp pain in my heart. Since then, my chest has been aching and there were moments when my feet turned purple and my left pinky also turned purple. I felt like my muscles in my back was getting electrocuted. I haven’t been able to sleep well at all so my temper is off the charts. I had to delete all of my social media and cut out toxic people again before I accidentally snap. So I will meditate and focus on healing the mind, body and soul this month. I will need to take a break on my art projects and save the remainder of my energy to study for a test in April.
The lockdown has been lifted. I already miss the days when the stores were not packed. I have a list of items to buy, but I’m dreading it because of the insane lines. Retail therapy turned into a nightmare. I have to return a bottle of moisturizer because the one they gave me is spoiled yellow and gross! I’m sure the newbie didn’t know because it took her three tries to even bring the correct bottle. I think we need to hire more shoppers and delivery folks and keep everyone else in lockdown. Standing in long lines clustered together is ridiculous! I had to run out of the store before my purchase because I felt a chain of sneezes coming. By the time I got outside, my sneeze didn’t come out. I can’t stand the thought of sneezing into my mask. It’s so nasty. I will not survive in this world. Why am I still here? I ask this every day. It leads to my next question that I keep trying to avoid which is: should I just get a cheesecake?!!! No no no no no…that’s why I am fasting in the first place…ok, goodnight.