02082021 16:31:00 Oily Chocolates

My symptoms have improved after drinking a lot of kale shakes mixed with random fruits. I’m still taking Tylenol almost everyday because my right kidney is always hurting. I always feel the urge to run, but I know my heart cannot handle it yet. Sometimes I still feel the sharp pain in my heart and I find it difficult to walk over 3K steps. I move even slower than normal. At this rate, I feel more like a zombie than ever. I tried chicken wings, but the flavor of foods I used to love has changed so drastically. I no longer feel like the same person anymore. Chocopie has no effect on me. It seems more like a hard cardboard with some cream! Everything tastes extra sweet and unappealing now! I’m not sure what to feel about this. I still think I want cheese, but when I eat it, I also do not like it as much. Only the memory of a cheeseburger is nice, but actually eating the burger is an unpleasant experience. Not that I ate one. I had cheese takoyaki, which reminds me of a cheeseburger. But I do often think about cheeseburgers and I really want some N’IN Out or Chick Fil Le right now. I am just so lazy to wait in those long lines, so I’d rather get soup somewhere no one goes LOL. I will not tell you where, or else you might go there. Today I really wanted chocolate. Since I couldn’t bite it, I decided to melt it in my almond milk. To my surprise it was super OILY! It tasted fine, but the more I drank it, the less I wanted it. I can feel it clogging inside me and it was just gross after I drank half. I was that desperate for that chocolate. Now I do not want chocolate ever again because it looked so gross. I really hate throwing away any food during a pandemic, but I find myself tossing things constantly because I can’t stomach it. MAYBE someday, I will find the right dark chocolate that’s not fake and oily. I can feel my tongue going numb as I type this. I am grateful that all I have to do is sit and stare at a screen and I don’t have to do any heavy lifting. I no longer like to bake or look at chocolate breads. I just like getting massages and doing light exercises outdoors. This is how COVID has changed my life and turned me into a zombie version of myself that only likes the taste of fruit and overcooked veggies. I have zero tolerance for people’s BS and lies so I just shrug and walk away. If they want to bully me, it doesn’t even phase me anymore. I used to want to say or do something, but now it’s not even worth it. Stores have opened up again. I went to three different stores to look for toner, but the kind I use is gone! I have to go the natural route and use pure aloe vera. I’m so addicted to aloe now, it’s way more delicious than jello. 

I had a strange dream about a friend who passed away several years ago. We were walking on a playground. I knew I was in a dream because he was there, but I couldn’t control the events, so I let the dream play on. I saw a lot of giant lobster tails sticking out of the snow. I didn’t want to dig them up because I was afraid of them. I knew that they were scary monsters that looked like roaches disguised as RED lobsters. My friend led me to a hole full of oysters, some were still alive. I wanted to look for pearls in them. The scene changed and I was in a kitchen washing something. My roommate asked why I didn’t put the dishes in the drying rack. I shrugged and went outside. I ended up at my old house wanting to enter down the basement door, but there was a bunch of heavy rugs covering it. I tried so hard to remove all the strange objects, but I couldn’t keep the door open. I felt so upset because I wanted to go see my father. I figured if I saw my friend, I could see my father. I felt so defeated, I just layed on the dirt and cried. My heart was aching so much I woke up with tears rolling down my eyes. In real life that day, I had to look for my family at the beach. I couldn’t get in contact with them for an hour because my nephew got stung supposedly by a stingray. I found him laying in the sand crying, just like the last scene in my dream. CRAAAZY HUH…I remember I woke up wondering WTH that dream could’ve been about. I ended up taking him to the hospital and knocking out when I got home. I had another dream about meeting a monk who predicted my fortune. I just can’t remember what he told me, but I woke up feeling refreshed and satisfied. Ever since, I’ve been feeling content and I guess happy despite the chaos that the world is in.

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