I tend to overeat things that I love. I might have accidentally had too much hot cocoa today because I wasn’t paying attention and I just kept drinking to keep myself awake. I went to bed at 7:30PM but did not fall asleep until several hours later. So I am still sleep deprived for no reason. I skipped my workout for several days just to catch up on sleep and it’s not really working. I have crazy eye bags and dry skin. I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been loading up on vitamins, natto, soup and dark chocolate. The other day, I accidentally ate an entire strawberry cake (it was only 11g of sugar per slice…I couldn’t stop so I ate all 6 slices.) Yes, I got sick afterwards, but that was the best strawberry cake I ever had! It was so delicious I still want more, but I have to try to stop myself from going to the store or else I’ll get sick again and I might pick up a chocolate cake too. I don’t crave it right now, but the thought of it being down the street is so tempting. This is why I have to leave. I have no self control what so ever anymore. It’s like a mixture of a strawberry cheesecake and a strawberry short cake ice-cream bar, but less sweet and super fluffy. I cannot imagine what the chocolate one tastes like, but I really want to know and it’s only a couple more hours until I can get my hands on it. I think one slice will be okay for tonight– if I could stick to just one…
Last night, I had a nightmare. It wasn’t a demonic one, but it was still scary. I was at a night festival with Cheesecake and his family and we set up some tents. I had to get some lotions from my car, and an old friend was supposed to accompany me, but she disappeared along the way. A coach stopped me and asked me to do a presentation, but I had no idea what he was talking about. He said, “let’s show them what you got!” and I just shrugged and continued to my car alone in the dark. Then two men riding their bikes circled my car with long guns in their hands. I think I was looking for jewels and trying to hide them, but they saw me through the window. I was so afraid to get mugged. I didn’t know what to do because I was cornered and alone. I woke up because I thought I was going to get shot.
This dream left me feeling uneasy. I’m not sure if I feel safe going out to exercise nowadays. It’s not my excuse to be lazy… I just don’t feel like driving or parking anywhere anymore. I will start spring cleaning and getting ready for the big move since it’s almost time to go. And also this pandemic has changed me into a completely different person now. I feel like I aged 60 years even though it’s only been 1!
Quarantine 2019 