04292020 22:33:57

“There is a race to come up with the vaccine,” –CBS News…It’s been a while since I’ve been paying attention to US news, but I just started listening in again tonight to see if there are significant changes or updates. I had to take a break because I could feel myself losing it, especially hearing about the protests in Hong Kong and how the CCP randomly attacks people on the train just so they can be on the news. I ended up indulging in self help videos from Marisa Peer and Women of Impact. I stayed up all night the other day listening to interviews of Evy Poumporas the former Secret Service Agent and would love to read her book. She described her experience during the 9/11 attacks and I was so moved, it made me rethink about how easy my life has been. She makes me feel like a baby. We have so much time on our hands now to do and learn whatever we want, but I cannot seem to focus on just one thing. I started learning digital art, to making a game on an app, and multiple languages. BUT I also quit after one whole day. That’s how I’ve been spending my afternoons aside from intense running on the treadmill.

I’ve also been watching a lot of videos on how to make pretty jello and other feel good videos of other people’s pets. My favorites are MilkiBoki and any parakeets that can speak in Japanese. I would love to have my own puppy again, but I’m secretly scared of dogs now! When I was at a Korean Spa, a man was talking about his neighbor’s dog randomly biting the face of a little girl while she was watching TV. She is scarred for life and no one knew why the dog attacked her out of no where while he was lying down with her on the couch. I think the dog probably has an underlying health problem. I used to have pets when I was younger and much braver. For some reason, the older I get, the more afraid I become of animals in general. I think I’m just turning into a germaphobe.

That reminds me of the story my niece MeiMei brought up yesterday. She was walking at the beach the other day with her mom and noticed two caucasian girls sitting on the grass suddenly put on their masks. My niece felt victimized because she thought the girls were being racist against Asians. I am a bit afraid to go out now because I know the feeling. I remember walking into the supermarket last month and I was getting side glances just because I am Asian. There’s nothing much we can do about it at this point, so I won’t dwell on it. Her dad asked me if I would still eat at a Chinese restaurant in the future. I would, because their food is so tasty. But generally, I’m the type that would cook my own food since I have so many diet restrictions -_-. When the lockdown is lifted, I can finally make my move…but WHEN is the question. Some states are starting to let people roam but not where I live.

I was having some sort of mental breakdown yesterday because I only slept for 2 hours. If it weren’t for Lili asking me to teach her guitar lessons at the end of the night, I would have probably gotten lost in deep depression. Dumpling has been messaging me again and has gotten me so confused. I broke it off with Sushi because I keep daydreaming about Dumpling. So yes, my heart is broken, but slowly mending in this mess. Quarantine is not helping, I have a hard time meditating and finding the answers to lead me in the right path. Today, I talked to neither of them and I felt fine. I spent the evening eating potato and bamboo soup while my nieces watched a gymnastics movie. I get so sensitive lately, any drama kinda leaves me with some wet eyes. What is happening to me!?

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