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10142020 14:48:00

Whenever I go to the hospital, something strange always happens. I met a hilarious lab worker, but now that I think about it, I don’t think he really knew what he was doing. He couldn’t find my vein at all and tied the tourniquet too tightly. I told him I was starting to feel strange after the 4th vial and the next thing I knew, I woke up with some lady yelling in my face to “WAKE UP.” I finally felt like I was getting good sleep, but she woke me up and now I have a lingering headache, muscle twitches or painful jolts! Not sure how I knocked out, but I woke up with my entire left shoulder inflamed. I would like to see the camera footage, but that would be too much hassle to request. I never realized how much I used my left hand until today when I can barely use it at all. I know there are others out there who do not have their limbs and I look totally normal. BUT this is not normal for me and I do not feel right at all. I have anxiety walking to the bathroom or driving not knowing whether I will pass out again. My heart skips a beat every now and then. I literally feel like I’m about to fall asleep any moment as if I’m narcoleptic. Not sure how much longer I can go on like this. I have a list of medications that I have to pick up, but I can hardly drink water. There is a tightness in my chest and I have difficulty getting a full breath of oxygen. I can barely move my left arm, but at least my fingers can still type. At this point, I really feel like I should go home and retire. The big question is, how can I survive the plane ride if I can barely sit at a desk. Every morning I am unsure if I will wake up nowadays. The only thing I look forward to is a choco-pie, but now I definitely shouldn’t have any. I have to go on an extreme diet of only plain veggies, no carbs…basically air…  

Last night I dreamt that I was taking care of a baby boy. I was showing him how to drink from a fountain and we were at a beautiful  aquarium. Cheesecake was there trying to explain something to me about an elliptical machine, but I didn’t get it. I think I also dreamt of being in the file room at the office and trying to use an escape door in case we were attacked. I was showing our staff how to run away during an active shooting… (WHY??? IDK! We don’t have an extra door in real life, but we should…so today he emailed me to let me know he will go to the file room earlier than usual tomorrow…that’s so WEIRD!!! He normally comes to the office on Wednesdays. I will need to wake up earlier tomorrow -_-”) 

The other night, I was invaded by giant crickets because I left a bag of rambutan by the door. My other dream about giant bugs actually happened! I couldn’t sleep because I had to catch each of them and throw them back outside! What a nightmare! It’s annoying to have one cricket making noise in the room, but if there are 10, is that still considered lucky!?  If only I had a bearded dragon or some other lizard… I also need a cat in my life.

If I did retire, I would learn how to do martial arts. I would rebuild my muscles so that my left side could get stronger and if I was ever robbed, I could at least defend myself with a broomstick! I cannot find any bamboo here, but I have a ton at my old house. In the meantime, I will watch these videos and learn the movements in my mind until I get a bo. Technically, I can make some phone calls to Shifu, but it’s a bit of a long drive for me at the moment. And I’m not ready to enroll in any classes yet…maybe next month…


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